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A student, Jenny, recently wrote a practice essay for the IELTS (International English Language Testing System) exam. Her question was:

Recent statistics show that the number of crimes by young people in big cities around the world is increasing. Discuss the possible reasons for this increase, and suggest possible solutions.

Jenny's essay (below) is excellent: it has plenty of ideas and examples, good organisation, and excellent grammar and vocabulary. It's also just over the minimum length of 250 words. Nevertheless, it has a major problem. What's wrong with her essay?

          One of the most urgent problems facing many communities these days is a significant growth in crime rates among youngsters. There are a number of causes of crime among young people.

          Firstly, youth crime is often connected with poverty. Children in poor families usually have few opportunities for schooling, and they are therefore more prone to social evils such as theft, vandalism and drug abuse. This problem is worse if a country's economic growth is slow as the gap between the rich and the poor is wide. Accordingly, governments should ensure that these disadvantaged children are provided with better education and job opportunities to keep them occupied and less likely to become offenders.

          Another probable cause of youth crime is negligence by adult family members. Unfortunately, parents tend to spend very little time with their children, leaving the children feeling lonely, abandoned and disconnected from their families. This may encourage the children to turn to other people and outside activities, including crime, to seek emotional satisfaction. Consequently, even if they are very busy, parents must spend as much time with their children as possible in order to understand their needs and give useful and timely advice. For example, parents should make children aware of the dangers that lurk in society and how to avoid them.

          In summary, the causes and control of juvenile delinquency are shared by parents and governments. If the community takes appropriate actions to address the root problems, future generations will have much better conditions for their development.

The error is that the essay answers the wrong question: "What are the causes of youth crime?" Instead, it should answer the question: "Why is youth crime increasing?"

This misunderstanding of essay questions is common. It usually occurs because students rush their planning as they're afraid they'll run out of time. However, rushing essay planning is a serious mistake.

One of the first and vital steps in planning is to make sure you understand exactly what's being asked ? i.e., the meaning of the question. If you don't, you risk getting a marking penalty.

Under the IELTS scoring scheme, Jenny's essay is regarded as being "tangential." A tangential essay presents an argument that's only slightly connected, or superficially relevant, to the essay question. It doesn't respond directly to the question.

In IELTS, there's a big penalty for a tangential essay. It cannot get more than band 4 for Task Response (one of the four areas assessed), which significantly reduces the final grade for the essay. The full public version of the scoring scheme is at http://tinyurl.com/4uddkz.

Fixing Jenny's essay is easy. The new essay below won't get a marking penalty as it directly answers the question, "Why is youth crime rising?" At 261 words, it's also only a little longer than Jenny's. The key changes are in bold.

          One of the most urgent problems facing many communities these days is a significant growth in crime rates among youngsters. There are several reasons for this situation.

          Firstly, increasing youth crime is often connected with rising poverty. Unfortunately, the gap between the rich and the poor is widening in many countries, and the proportion of families on low incomes is climbing. Children in poor families usually have few opportunities for schooling, and they are therefore more prone to social evils such as theft, vandalism and drug abuse. Accordingly, governments should ensure that these disadvantaged children are provided with better education and job opportunities to keep them occupied and less likely to become offenders.

          Another probable cause is growing levels of negligence by adult family members. With the pressures of modern life steadily mounting, more and more parents are spending little time with their children, leaving the children feeling lonely, abandoned and disconnected from their families. This may encourage the children to turn to other people and outside activities, including crime, to seek emotional satisfaction. Consequently, even if they are very busy, parents must spend as much time with their children as possible in order to understand their needs and give useful and timely advice. For example, parents should make children aware of the dangers that lurk in society and how to avoid them.

          In summary, the causes and the control of escalating juvenile delinquency are shared by parents and governments. If the community takes appropriate actions to address the root problems, future generations will have much better conditions for their development.

The rewording of Jenny's ideas has made a big difference. The essay refers to actions in progress by using appropriate adjectives (e.g., "growing") and the present continuous tense (like "are spending"). With those changes, the argument now directly answers the question, and the essay would probably get band 8 or 9 for Task Response (compared to band 4 originally). This shows that it pays to take the time to understand essay questions.

Write to david.park@idp.com for help preparing for Ielts.

David Park designs and teaches Ielts courses, and is involved with Ielts testing at IDP. To register for Ielts, contact www.thailand.idp.com. Ielts is owned by Cambridge Esol, the British Council and IDP: Ielts Australia.